01 mei Happy single or happy together?!
Yesterday, in Holland, it was the very last ‘queensday” national holiday for years. Our Queen Beatrix is abdicating and her son Willem Alexander will take over from her. Perhaps you were in Amsterdam? Or maybe you watched it on television? I spoke to a friend of mine who had been watching it on television all day. When I asked whether she would like to come to Amsterdam or go somewhere else to celebrate with us, she said no: “as i will feel like a spare part”. …. She has recently becomesingle again. It was her choice to end her relationship and in a way she is happy with her decision. But still…..
This is what I am writing about in my lead article today. I invite you to read on!
Cabin attendants frequently tell me they love to live life as a single person. They love their freedom, they do as they like, at home and en route. Nobody to give any explanations to….. And yet, they are missing something. The airline people that I spoke to in relation to this theme, were 30 years or older. They told me, they had challenges to “investing” time in finding a suitable partner. In a way they are all happy. However, when I asked more questions, there was this ‘being single’ point which arose…. It occured to me that this was possibly a taboo topic….?!
How important is it to you to be in a stable relationship with a partner?
What are you looking for?
I found that the people I spoke with, were more critical of relationships, the older they become. That is what they say themselves too. When entering into a new relationship, they ask themselves questions like: does my partner make me happy? Do I get enough out of my relationship? When those questions are answered negatively, a relationship will quickly be ended. Theyare then single again and the whole show starts over again….. Moreover, they are packing their suitcase again, meeting different people again and life goes on as it always has done….
Loving someone else, starts with loving yourself.
If you look into the mirror and say to yourself: “I love you”! What happens? What do you feel in your body and where? Do you agree with what you are saying? If it doesn’t feel right, what doesn’t feel right exactly? Take the time to have a serious look at this question. Maybe you think it is rubbish… Maybe you think this is a hastle. What does that say about you?
What is needed to develop a new relationship? What are you willing to invest in developing a good relationship? It shouldn’t be a “no expense spared” approach, butit does require something from you! As Johan Cruijf says: “To be happy, you must do something that makes you happy”!
How should you assess a new relationship, without being too critical? Acknowledge what it is that you are looking for in a relationship, and ask yourself whether that is really reality. Allow yourself time to really get to know each other. What have you got to offer? Consider this especially since when you are flying, relationship stress can be a pitfall, given the unbalanced nature of your work and private life: before you know where you are, you’re packing your suitcase again!
Aside from this, especially when you live in a world of “glitz and glamour”, there are lots of potentially unrealistic illusions about “the perfect relationship”: These could be that your partner should be a real soulmate.Your partner should be able to make you happy. Your partner should love you unconditionally etc. You need to be completely honest with yourself when defining what you determine a good relationship to be and what you expect from it, otherwise your luck at finding it will be slim…. Unless you are honest in your expectations, looking for someone else to share and make your life complete, is actually the last thing that you would like to do…
I found an interesting quote by Carry from the American series Sex and the City:
…Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that’s just fabulous.
And last but not least, as a parting thought take a look at this clip: Harry Jekkers: “I love me”. A Dutch artist, singing in Dutch with English subtitles.
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